To forget.

Can I see this as a good thing? Can I put my trust in Him who I have already found to be faithful? Can I believe, even without seeing, that this is the best thing that can happen for me?

Trust is a daily thing - waking up, and saying, Look, I don’t see things the way You do.. but I know You know me, and other things, way better than I do.. so I won’t even think about this difference anymore. It’s up to You what I do with my life today.. Guide me.

How much of a better person will I be if I can do that every day, and not just for right now, but for ever? How much more a child of God will I be?

Currently listening: Pandora’s Caia station

Currently reading: The Crucible by Arthur Miller

I love my new screen.. it’s pretty rad.

I currently have 6 (and counting) pdfs open on my dual-screen desktop. There’s so much to learn about collective and violent action, and the relationship between prejudice and racism.

I’ve checked out more than 20 books in the past week from one of the largest libraries in the world, on everything from genocide to Czech plays to media and advertising. I will be using perhaps 1 or 2 of them in the beginnings of my senior essay.

I’ll be getting numerous free cocktails/bottles of beer/dinners/lunches throughout this year from people I barely know yet who somehow feel responsible for me.

I’ve met at least 20 freshmen in the past 6 weeks who have changed my life forever. Here’s to possibly changing theirs.

And tomorrow I’ll sit with 8 of the smartest, most passionate people I know, including one of the best-learned professors in the world, and talk about everything and nothing and criticize and receive and learn and argue and laugh.

This is why I love Yale.

This is what was good today:

It’s finally become winter outside - the leaves have turned from green to gone without the middle stage of red gold and brown. I got out my extra blankets from the closet, and snuggled by myself in a deep ocean of red velvet, jersey and IKEA polyester. It was beautiful.

I had a 15-minute coffee conversation with Dom at the Publick Cup, and heard about his plans for the future and why he didn’t go on Fall Retreat. He walked me to Bass and back, and my coffee was delicious. I just realised that I forgot to punch my Publick Cup card when I paid for my coffee.

This isn’t today, this was yesterday, but I sent a lolcat to Will and now it’s one of his favorites:

I thought about my senior essay and how it’s changing. And how I’m changing. And how that’s okay.

I read a little bit, curled up on the sofa in my common room, with a cup of hot coffee.

I checked “Member” on my connection card at Church on the Rock for the first time. It was good.

Currently reading: Waiting by Ha Jin

I leave for Zagreb tomorrow! And life is good.

A little bit slow, a little bit sad, but good.

A little bit of serendipity, a little more hope. And more love than I’ll ever know.

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death… Phil 1:18-20

Written in the Upper Belvedere, Vienna.

Today, standing in the Billa sausage section, I heard Him say: Do you not trust me?

And I say yes, I do.

But I also say: Oh, I have messed up.

And I also say: Yes, but for how long?

Then I say: Why? Why do You trust me?

For I do not trust myself.

Maybe I’m so busy hearing I don’t love you that way that I don’t hear I love you, and want you, forever, forever. Forever.

You are mine.

Here’s the plan, so far.

8/2 prague
8/4 vienna
8/7 ljubljana
8/9 zagreb
8/12 budapest
8/14 berlin
8/16 brussels
8/17 LON-NYC-NHV

We’ll see if I make it alive.

Cheers, London. You’ve been great. Great.

My life just dissolved before my eyes.

Currently reading: The Sushi Economy by Sasha Issenberg

Buying things online is such a good way to procrastinate at work.

But yes, a pair of Shure SE110 (Black) Sound Isolating earphones are on the whiz to the Financial Times office. I can’t wait!

mmmmmm.

I broke my earphones during the Malaysia Forum (or maybe I just left them in that room at Harvard, oh well), but I figured that I might as well invest in a good pair of earphones, right? Sound isolating? Inner-ear? What better way to isolate yourself from the outside world! We thank you, Shure! For you alone truly know our needs!

Best thing is, Amazon.co.uk was having a promotion, so I bought the SE110s for only £39.99 - only $79! What an incredible deal - the 110s debuted in the US of A for $119!

I’m awesome. Procrastinating at work is awesome. Buying things at work, though, takes the cake.

[Disclaimer to future employers: I work more hard than Party want. No problem!]